By: Nicole Sanchez, Contributing Writer
There are many ways to show appreciation for the important people in one’s life, but understanding how they experience love guarantees that those efforts will always be recognized.
Dr. Gary Chapman, an author, talk-show radio host, counselor, and pastor, came up with a principle value system that observes how individuals communicate and anticipate affection once he recognized a pattern between couples as a marriage counselor. He called this system the Five Love Languages.
Words of affirmation, quality time, gifts, acts of service, and physical touch are five distinct ways people experience love. According to Chapman, the best way to successfully show appreciation is by learning the love languages of family, friends, and loved ones, and acting based on the language they prefer. When persons realize and use their love languages, it helps with the longevity of their relationships.
(Photo Credit: Priscilla Du Preez) Those whose primary love language is Words of Affirmation are usually encouragers who know exactly what to say to make others feel better.
Words of Affirmation
This means that a person’s sense of love and appreciation is best affirmed through words. Saying things like, “I feel so lucky to have you,” and “I want to let you know how proud I am of you,” are just two easy ways to let people know how much they are appreciated.
“Words mean a lot to me and I think that’s one of the reasons why I write,” said Sarah El Naamani, a senior majoring in English with a Creative Writing specialization. “So, it’s safe to say that my love language is words of affirmation. Being told that I am doing a good job or simply someone acknowledging that I am trying or changing for the better keeps me going and makes my day.”
Another student, Jessica Pittman, a senior majoring in English with a Professional Writing specialization, agreed with El Naamani.
“I love words of affirmation the most,” said Pittman. “I cherish the words that people think of to tell me how they feel, words are powerful and with strong words should come strong feelings.”
Quality Time
This love language is centered around togetherness. It’s all about giving loved one’ undivided attention to show love and appreciation.
An easy way to do this is by putting the phone down when spending time together and only focusing on the person. Try setting aside a day for a fun activity, such as going to a pumpkin patch or watching scary movies together. Intentionally making time for friends and family who experience love through quality time shows true appreciation for them.
Gifts
The love language of Gifts means that a loved one feels loved and appreciated through presents, whether they are big or small. This does not mean that a person who experiences love by gifts is greedy. In reality, gift-giving has far more to do with the sentimental meaning of the gift.
Every time a loved one sees a gift, it will serve as a reminder of that love and appreciation for them. Whether it’s a toy from the Dollar Store or shoes from Neiman Marcus, friends who value gifts will always remember who got them the presents and love the gift-giver for thinking about them.
(Photo Credit: Helena Hurtz) Bringing flowers “just because” is a great way to show appreciation for someone whose primary love language is Gifts.
Acts of Service
Acts of Service means doing something for one’s partner that they would like. When it comes to performing this love language, pay attention to the small things, and consider the things they don’t enjoy. For example, if a loved one does not like driving at night, offer to drive when it is closer to sunset. This might seem small, but every little thing matters to someone who feels loved by acts of service.
“My love language is acts of service and I would want someone to ask me if I needed help with anything,” said Alexandra Joseph, a junior majoring in Criminal Justice.
“I value people who want to help me make my day easier and that can be as little as buying me a cup of coffee because I’m too focused to go grab it myself,” said Joseph. “Or asking if I need help with an assignment!”
(Photo Credit: Scott Broome) The love language of Physical Touch is usually about feeling seen and safe.
Physical Touch
This last love language means that someone prefers physical expressions. This isn’t always intimate—a small squeeze of someone’s hand when they are having a bad day or a big hug can show love and appreciation.
“One of my love languages is physical touch,” said Jenna Skrelunas, a senior majoring in English with a Professional Writing specialization. “So, when someone gives me a high-five or a hug, I feel the most appreciated.”
Getting to know the love languages of close friends and family is a great way to show appreciation. To find out more about the five love languages, Chapman’s 30-question quiz is available online. Knowing about the five love languages makes someone better able to understand how others show their love and appreciation.
